Where to begin?

Introductions seem like a feasible way to start.

You can call me Crass.

A suitable nickname as I see it. It seems to fit my overall attitude as of late, or at least it will coincide with the majority of what I will spew onto this blog. This will be my two cents, take it or leave it. I am a father, a husband, a brother, a vegetarian, a cynic and a narcissist. I'm aware of my personality flaws, but I would rather talk about yours....and I will....at great length. Honesty will be my goal, whether directed at myself or others...whether obvious or painfully hidden. This is a lofty goal. But I will do my best....

Right now I am disappointed with the current state of affairs...
Disappointed with mankind. Disappointed with family. Disappointed with children. Disappointed with religion. Disappointed with myself.

That seems pretty general, I know, but soon it will all come clear. Crystal in fact. So lets get started.....

Being a father has changed my view of the world. I was a cynical bastard before my son arrived, but now I just want to pack him up and move to Alaska. Live off the land. No cell phones. No Wii's. No child molesters. No abusers. Don't get me wrong, I am not so naive to think that we can run away from mankind. Run away from technology. Run away from our problems. But it seems like I would be able to see them coming from a long way away in a place like that.

I have had several events in the past decade that have led to my current "position". That position, being Crass. I can probably count them on one hand. But the most recent has affected me greatly. Watching my mother slowly decline. Physically, mentally and emotionally due to the seduction of alcohol. So much so, that she got drunk while baby sitting my son, and then blacked out. Falling into her kitchen table....mangling her shoulder, nose, and eye socket. I found my son covered in her blood, screaming, crying....but otherwise unharmed. There is a lot more to this story, but telling it would only enrage me. Basically it boils down to....if you can't trust your own family....who can you trust? My trust meter is blinking EMPTY. So now I have the pleasure of anger towards my own mother, and the guilt of not trying to help her. We barely speak now. Me unwilling to forgive. Her, too mortified to apologize.

It has been a challenge watching my parents failures. Realizing that they too are flawed, lonely, scared human beings. Is this some right of passage for adults? To watch your own parents decline. To teach you that life is short. To teach you that your idols will fall. To teach you to love your offspring even more. To teach them everything you can, before you become just another flawed human being. Food for thought.

I am going to hug my boy....check back in tomorrow.